This is the recipe for baking the best love story of your life
In theory, it is very easy to find love.
Most people want to have their emotions dictate the outcome. I disagree.
I feel our minds are best put in charge of this goal & I am hopeful that I can help simplify things for seekers.
I figured out the recipe for love a long time ago. Like most true things, its simple.
Bonus! It rhymes🤣:
Admire
Desire
Run from liars
Frankly, all the heavy lifting for love falls under the first criteria: “admiration” In the process of sooting this one out- the other two elements will likely self resolve.
I’m going to be talking within the context of romantic quests but these concepts also apply to love shared with friends & family.
Admiration is defined as: “something regarded as impressive or worthy of respect.”
It is possible to admire a sense of humor in an axe murderer. It is probable that Hannibal Lecter prepared a mean dish of fava beans. You are not looking for talents. You are looking for personal characteristics that are worthy of your respect.
My experience is that most of these have to do with subjugation on the part of the object of your affection in favor of his or her principled idea.
This is an easy feature to spot over time, but you don’t really want to waste time* or emotional capital when you’re dating, so you have to find shortcuts to get these answers.
I like to come in at this sideways. Establish a little banter & intrigue and
go right in.
Encourage people to whinge and reward them for their effort and you will learn the most in the shortest amount of time.
For example: “You mentioned that you were the firstborn of three. Were your siblings little brats?”
“You mentioned that you work for ACME company. I’ve heard from others that they don’t treat employees very well. What is your experience?”
To be fair-The candidate for your potential affection might have legitimate reasons to be negative so please bear that in mind, but try to read between the lines & look for personal responsibility and optimism in their answers. Or-even if the answers aren’t pleasant, follow up their reply with this question: “Sounds like you had a hard time of it. What did you take away from the experience?”
If you have somebody answer in a sensible way that shows that they had a run of bad luck but they took the lesson of personal growth-then don’t worry about the negative answers. You have a champion.
So everyone will have different characteristics that matter the most to them and by now you probably know what yours are.
I NEED to be in the company of people who own their lives & their & ideas & choices. The term I use for this is “self possessed.”
This is the sort of person who will read the same news article that you do but come to a different conclusion.
I need to be in the company of people who are emotionally generous. For me this is a different thing than doting. This is offering up their time and their strength and their insights. They will put off their own affairs to help you with yours. You can see this in the form of their commitment to the people that they love so I ask plenty of questions about their connections and the contributions that others have made to them and that they have made to others that make them the most proud.
I need to be in the company of people with very few self imposed limiting factors. I require boldness & those who choose adventurous living. I don’t have time for frightened people. If I’m very lucky I will have 10 or 15 healthy years left where I can have adventures. I have simply run out of time to wait for people to catch up.
So these are examples of qualities that I admire and we will all be different in this regard. So let’s break it down:
1. Think about what you need to admire in another person
2. Understand the difference between a skill & an admirable quality.
3. Shortcut the normal time you would have to find these qualities in someone you’re dating by inviting them to be negative and then look for optimism, self-determination and personal growth in their answers.
I know this blog is gonna come off as draconian, but If you value the only precious resource that you truly have control over… TIME…then consider honoring it by letting your mind do much more work in finding love & rely less on your eager feelings.
*Time is the only asset we have. Spend it well.